Good morning to everyone except the mean people that are ruining my future baby names ☠️

"#1 Newsletter of the Year" 🏆️ -Andy’s Wife

😱 ANDY REACTS

JPMorgan's Toasty Takeover!

Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you about the banking world's latest drama. You know, in the sales and marketing world, we're always trying to sell people on the idea of stability and trust, right? Well, it seems like First Republic Bank took a page right out of our playbook and sold it to the highest bidder!

• Just this morning, authorities seized First Republic Bank and sold most of its assets to JPMorgan, the country's largest bank. You could say it was the most successful sales pitch in recent memory, with JPMorgan getting the deal of the century! Now that's what I call "too big to fail"!

You know, this whole situation reminds me of the time I tried to sell an extended warranty on a toaster. I mean, the toaster was worth about ten bucks, but the warranty was going for $29.99! Sounds like a steal, right? Well, my customer didn't think so... But hey, at least I didn't get seized by the authorities!

• Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that First Republic Bank was toast... but JPMorgan definitely got a hot deal! I mean, talk about an acquisition! I can imagine the JPMorgan executives high-fiving each other, saying, "We just bought a bank, and all we had to do was promise to cover their customers' overdraft fees!"

And you've got to feel for the poor sales and marketing teams at First Republic Bank. They were out there, giving it their all, selling the dream of financial security and trust, only to wake up one morning to find their bank has been "acquired" by the competition.

• But hey, that's the nature of our industry, right? One day you're the toast of the town, the next day you're toast. So let's raise a glass to First Republic Bank and remember, folks, if you ever find yourself in a tight spot, just think: at least you didn't get bought out by JPMorgan!

☠️ ANDY’S DEADLY DOODLES

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💀 Issue #100-and-something 💀

Don't Let Acorns of Negativity Grow into Mighty Oaks 🌳

Hey there, Acorn Avengers!

The other day, as I was fumbling to find my keys (which, let's be honest, feels like a daily ritual), I couldn't help but overhear a small voice in my head saying, "I wonder if I'm not doing this right." It made me pause and consider how often we whisper little negative thoughts to ourselves:

• "I don't think I can do that." • "I'm afraid it will fail." • "I knew this wouldn't be right."

The Acorn Effect

These seemingly insignificant thoughts may appear harmless at first glance, but remember: mighty oaks grow from small acorns. And if we keep nurturing these little negatives over time, well...

Before we know it, we'll be living in a dense forest of self-doubt and anxiety. And trust me, nobody wants to go camping there!

A Dance with Negativity

Let me share a personal anecdote to illustrate my point. A few years ago, I decided to take up salsa dancing. As someone with the coordination of a newborn giraffe, I was a bit apprehensive. In my first class, I kept telling myself, "I'll never get this right." But you know what? After a few classes, I actually started to improve! And now, I can proudly say I've only stepped on my partner's toes half as much as I used to. Progress!

The Power of Positive Thinking

What helped me break through the tangled vines of negativity was a simple shift in perspective. Instead of telling myself "I can't," I started saying, "I'll give it my best shot." I found that this small change made a world of difference.

So, my fellow Acorn Avengers, here's the major takeaway: just as we mustn't let small acorns grow into mighty oaks of negativity, we must also plant seeds of positivity and nurture them every day. If we do, we'll find ourselves thriving in a lush, vibrant forest where we can dance salsa, find our keys with ease, and laugh at our own little quirks.

Now, go forth and let your positivity bloom! 

Your partner in positive acorn planting,

Andy

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That’s a wrap for today amigos. Eat your tacos and see you tomorrow! If you want more, be sure to follow me on Twitter (@andymewborn) or LinkedIn.

What did you think of today’s edition? (anonymous)

• 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️ So f**cking fuego

• 🌶️🌶️🌶️ Meh, keep digging

• 🌶️ Snoozefest

A RECENT REVIEW